?

Log in

 

HRH PRINCE HARRY'S ADVICE COLUMN

About Recent Entries

RIGHT Jul. 5th, 2006 @ 07:42 pm
hrh_advice
SRY LADS I HAVE BEEN IN A BIT OF A HAZE. YOU KNOW HOW THESE THINGS ARE- A BOTTLE OF TEQUILA AND FIFTEEN GERMAN SUPERMODELS AND TIME JUST SLIPS AWAY I U KNOW WHAT I AM SAYING!!!!!!

NEWAYZ I FEEL A REAL ARSE ABOUT NOT BEING HERE TO HELP YOU PATHETIC WANKERS AND IM IN THIS PROGRAM WITH TWELVE STEPS. OR TEN. WHATEVER. ONCE SAGAIN THE WELSH PROBABLY CAN'T COUNT HA HA!

IN ANY CASE MY PSYCHIC POWERS AND AMAZING ABILITY OF ADVISERY ARE ONCE AGAIN AT UR DISPOSAL SO PLZ RESPOND HERE WITH YOUR QUESTIONS AND I SHALL DO MY UTMOST TO MAKE YOUR SAD LIVES MORE ENJOYABLE!!!!

YOURS UNTIL THE KITCVHEN SINKS
H.R.H. SEXYDRAWERS
Current Location: ENGLAND, STUPID

WHOA HOLY ARSE WTF OMG Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 06:53 am
hrh_advice
WELL HELLO BIRDS AND SLAGS AND THOS OF YOU WHO DON'T QUALIFY!!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL MISSED ME BECAUSE I AM BACK LIKE A VERTEBRAE! SO SHAG OFF!

NEWAYZ SORRY I WAS OUT OF TOUCH BUT I WAS IN SENSITIVITY TRAINING BCUZ OF SOME SILLY COSTUME PARTY INCIDENT. I SHAN'T GO INTO DETAILS BUT LET'S JUST SAY I MADE THAT PARTY LIKE A GAS OVEN...I MEAN I SIEGHEILED IT...I MEAN I DRESSED UP LIKE HITLER BECAUSE I'M AN INSENSITIVE PRICK-- OH HELL JUST FORGET IT. NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH GENOCIDE NO MATTER WHAT WILLS TELLS YOU JUST REMEMBER HE SLEEPS WITH A TEDDY BEAR AND NOT IN THE ENDEARING "BRIDESHEAD REVISITED" KIND OF WYA IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WANKER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ALL RIGHT LET'S JUMP RIGHT IN SHALL WE. I HAVE TO LJ-CUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Collapse )

XMAS UPDATE FOR THE PEASANTS!!!!!! Dec. 24th, 2004 @ 11:50 am
hrh_advice
WELL HELLO LADS! A VERY MERRY CHRIST TO YOU UNLESS YOU DON'T DO CHRISTMAS IN WHICH CASE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO JEW. BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! DADS AND CAMILLA USED TO MAKE THAT JOKE ALL THE TIME AND WE'D LAUGH AND LAUGH UNTIL DADS HEARD MUMMY COMING DOWN THE STAIRS IN WHICH CASE HE WOULD HIDE CAMILLA IN THE DUMBWAITER "FOR EATING LATER." I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT.

ANYWAYS BEFORE WE GO ON WITH MY SUPERIOR ADVICE I DO BELIEVE I SHALL SHARE WITH YOU THE STORY OF MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS!!! SO SHUT UP AND READ IT YOU BASTARDS.

I WAS A YOUNG LAD, AND WILLS WAS A SLIGHTLY LESS MASCULINE YOUNG LAD. WE HAD DECIDED TO WAIT UP ALL NIGHT TO SEE SANTA CLAUS. WHEN THE CLOCK STRUCK MIDNIGHT WE LEAPT FROM OUR BEDS AND RACED DOWN THE HALL AND UP THE STAIRS AND OVER THE WALKWAY AND DOWN SOME MORE STAIRS AND THROUGH ANOTHER DOOR AND DOWN FIVE MORE HALLS AND EIGHT MORE BLOODY SETS OF STAIRS AND THEN WE HAD TO SIT DOWN AND REST BECAUSE DAMNED IF WE HADN'T BEEN LOOKING FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. WILLS STARTED CRYING BECAUSE HE HAD AN INVISIBLE FRIEND NAMED MISTER TIMKY-JUMBITS AND MISTER TINKY-JUMBITS WAS COLD AND HIS ANKLE HURT.

SO I PRETENDED TO BEAT UP MISTER TINKY-JUMBITS AND WILLS CRIED LIKE A GIRL.

THEN WE FOUND THE TREE AND IT WAS LOADED WITH LOOT BUT NO SANTA. EVERY SO OFTEN WILLS CALLS ME AND YELLS "YOU KILLED SANTA BECAUSE YOU BEAT UP MISTER TINKY-JUMBITS" AND WE LAUGH. EXCEPT NOT WILLS. WILLS CRIES.


OKAY LET'S GET ON WITH THE ADVICE!!!!! EXCEPT NO PICTURES THIS TIME. DEAL WITH IT.


Dear Harry,
I'm an anarchist/communist/Nazi who practices with the Hare Krishna. My friends don't understand me, and are constantly making sly, snarky comments like "Why don't you SHARE your cookies, commie!" or "Come see a movie, if you can spare a minute from killing the Jews!" or "Quit with the tamborine racket!", you know, subtle stuff. It's really unfair, especially since Hitler, Stalin, and Moritz taught us to love one another unconditionally.
I guess my question is, should I tell them I'm carrying the New Democratic Party's love child or would that just make things worse?
Thanks,
LaSeanDa



WELLL LASEANDA I CAN SEE WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS HERE AND THAT IS YOU TEND TO USE PROPER CAPITALIZATION. DON'T DO THAT. ITS THE EASIEST WAY TO GET PREGGERS! YOU SHOULD JUST WRITE IN GLORIOUS ALL-CAPS LIKE MESELF BECAUSE I AM SO GREAT IT HURTS. THATS WHAT I MAKE ALL MY SLAGS DO AFTER A GOOD SHAG SO THEY WON'T GET IN A FIX.

ALSO IT IS QUITE HARD TO BE A NAZI THESE DAYS SO MAYBE I SHOULD COMMEND YOU EVEN THOUGH THAT'S WRONG.

P.S.- DROP THE FUCKING TAMBOURINE.


Cher Harry,
Mon amour pour vous est si fort qu'il puisse seulement être donné en français, la langue de l'amour. Par cet altavista traduisant le service. Je veux au va te faire foutre, prince Harry. Et alors je veux manger votre foie. Mais pas vraiment. Veuillez venir à ma maison la nuit, parce que à moi vous montrerez ce qu'est vraiment la virilité. Couteaux.
Amour,
Oleg Menschikov


OMG OMG OMG THE FRENCH ARE ATTACKING OMG!!!!!!!! THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT MY SECRET PLAN TO RECAPTURE CALAIS!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!

hey thats not even a question--

DAMN YOU FRENCHIE BASTARDS! YOU'LL NEVER GET MY SECRET STORE OF PERFUME AND LADIES' FRILLY UNDERTHINGS! UNLIKE YOU I SHAN'T BE WEARING THEM JUST SNIFFING THEM A BIT!!!!

BASTARDS!!!!!

P.S.- I HATE THE BLOODY FRENCH
P.P.S.- A LOT
P.P.P.S.- WHY ISN'T IT P.S.S.S.?!


Dear Harry
I heard some rumours the other day that the idomitable spirit of the proletarian masses will cause them to rise up and drench the streets with the blood of the capitalist pig-dogs and the aristocratic parasites, while sending their bourgeois lackeys to be re-educated in giant camps on the Isle of Man.
What do you think of these rumours? Is there any truth to them? If so, what would be the best outfit to wear for such an event?
With comradely greetings
Phil


I THINK THATS A LOAD OF SLAGBERRY AND IF YOU THINK THAT COULD HAPPEN LOOK AT HOW SUCCESSFUL THAT WANKER CROMWELL WAS AT MAINTAINING A STABLE REPUBLIC. END SARCASM.

ALSO I GOT LAID ONCE ON THE ISLE OF MAN EXCEPT I THINK IT MIGHT BE GAY TO DO THAT. I WOULD RATHER GET LAID OF THE ISLE OF WOMEN BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST FUN EVER!!!!!!!!!!! AN ISLE OF WOMEN! BLOODY YES MATES!!!!!

PLEASE WEAR A MONKEY SUIT AND SHOVE A BANANA UP YOUR ARSE IF YOU THINK THE MONARCHY COULD EVER BE BROUGHT DOWN BY A BUNCH OF TOOTHLESS WHINING CELTS WITH TERRIBLE DENTAL HYGIENE AND BAD TEETH AND ALSO LOTS OF POOFINESS.

OTHERWISE A NICE SUIT WITH DARK SOCKS WOULD LOOK OKAY. BUT NO TIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I TIHNK I BLOODY WELL FORGOT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.


I cant think of anything to ask! But this is very funny! You are naughty!
So my question to you is, what should I ask you?
Holly (Hoshi) ^_^


I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK TWO THINGS. THE FIRST IS "WHERE CAN I GET HELP FOR MY OBVIOUS MENTAL ISSUES?" THE SECOND QUESTION IS "WHICH HOLE WOULD YOU LIKE TO STICK IT IN FIRST, PRINCE STUDLYPANTS?"


I have thought of a question. Actually many questions!
I can't understand all of what you are saying for advice.
What are the meanings of these words you used? Are they all British? I've never seen any of them that I can remember.
PONCY, RAGU, MARINARA SAUCE, BLUDGEONING, PONCE, CANDIED HIS TROUSERS, PATCHOULI, WANKER, GOBSMACKED, MZTRBTE, Treacle, diorama.
Thank you Harry!


AT FIRST I WAS GOING LAUGH AT YOU LOVE BUT THEN I SAW THAT ENGLISH IS NOT YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE. NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRIED WE COULDN'T TAKE OVER EVERYTHING.

RAGU AND MARINARA SAUCE ARE TOMATO SAUCES YOU PUT ON PASTA. BLUDGEONING IS WHEN YOU GIVE SOMEONE A NICE FIRM WHACK! HAHAHAHA!! LIKE THE PAPARAZZI!! PONCE AND PONCY BOTH REFER TO SOMEONE WHO IS A LITTLE BIT GAY LIKE MY BROTHER. PATCHOULI IS A VERY SMELLY PERFUME LOVED BY HIPPIES AND PONCES ALIKE. "CANDIED HIS TROUSERS" IS JUST A DIRTY PHRASE DADS LIKES TO USE WHEN HES FISHING WITH HIS BUDDIES. A WANKER IS A JERK...ALSO LIKE MY BROTHER HAHAHAHAHAHA! GABSMACKED IS WHEN YOU'RE STUNNED. TREACLE IS A NASTY THING YOU HAVE AT TEA AND DIORAMA IS A LITTLE SCENE MADE UP IN A BOX.

I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MZTRBTE MEANS.

ANYWAYS YOUR ENGLISH IS VERY GOOD SO COME OVER TO THE PALACE SOMETIMES AND I SHALL SHOW YOU THE POWER OF TREACLE!!!!!!!


RIGHT LADS I'M OFF. HAPPY WHATEVER.

Here comes Santa Clas,
H.R.H. Prince Studlypants

WOW IM UPDATING SO ROCK ON!!!!!! Dec. 5th, 2004 @ 10:52 pm
hrh_advice
HELLO LUVS THIS IS YOUR ESTEEMED PRINCE HARRY WITH ANOTHER ROUND OF PATHETIC COMMONERS LOOKING FOR MY SUPERIOR ADVICE!

ALSO PLZ BE INFORMED TAHT IF U WANT 2 ASK A QUESTION YOU NEED TO JOIN THE COMMUNITY BCUZ I CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO LET YOU BLOODY GITS KNOW WHEN I ANSWER YOUR SAD QUERIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear your roayl seXiNEss,
I have like been so toally like uma fan om urz for liek so longz and stuff. And I just like os totally want top bone you and stuff so very very mucha dnwant to dress us up like prince and princess but i would like be the prince and oyud be the princess cause im like a hairy big dude and youre like, a 12 yearold prepubescentboy and stuff but either wya I want to know, spit or swallow?



OMG WTF?! LISTEN BLOKE I'M NOT INTO THAT SORT OF THING. YOU'D NEED TO CONTACT MY BROTHER SIR FAGSALOT IF YOU WANT TO RIM SOMEONE. I LIKE A JOLLY GOOD SLAG WHOLL LET ME SHAG THEM ON A TENNIS COURT.

BTW SWALLOW.


Dear Harry.


I have a terrible dilemma. I am filled with compassion by the sight of starving Africans in Darfur on the telly. Therefore I want to support the wonderful cause that is Band Aid.

However, the new Band Aid single sucks great big donkey balls and just a single listen to it makes me want to slice myself in half with a breadknife.

Should I buy the Band Aid single, and save those poor Africans from terrible suffering, or not buy it, and save myself from equally terrible suffering?

Sincerely

Phil



WELL PHILLIAM THIS IS INDEED A ROUGH DILEMMA, MUCH LIKE MELON WITH HOLE VS. PHEASANT. HOWEVER I CAN HELP YOU USING A BIT OF THE OLD LOGIC.

LOGIC DICTATES THAT YOU SHOULD BUY IT NYWAYS BCUZ LORD KNOWS IF THE SINGLE IS THAT BAD THEN THE PEASANTRY WILL NEED ALL THE HELP THEY CAN GET. THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME THAT MUMMY WENT TO VISIT SOME DIRTY PEOPLE AND TRIED TO MAKE ME GIVE THEM MY HAT AND I WAS LIKE "BUT MUM THIS HAT MAKES ME LOOK BLOODY KEEN!" AND SHES ALL "HARRY DARLING SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO HATS AND WE MUST HELP THEM!!!!!" SO I GAVE THEM MY HAT. IT WAS A GREAT AND MIGHTY SACRIFICE THAT WE SHOULD ALL ASPIRE TO REPLICATE.

THEN WILLS GOT RICKETS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WELL NOT REALLY.


Dear Harry,

What is with these punk ass kids and Band Aid? Don't they know it only makes things worse?

By the way, I've started my own charity to help out the African rugrats. Send large cheques to Ashley, Dunny-on-the-Wold, Limeyland, plznthnx.




THAT REMINDS ME OF THIS STORY ABOUT A HAT I ONCE HAD BUT IM NOT SYAING IT AGAIN BCUZ I'M A PRINCE AND I DON'T HAVE TO SAY BOLLOCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NEWAYZ YOU OUGHT TO SEND THOSE CHECKS ON TO ME. A MILLION POUNDS PER ANNUM DOESN'T PAY FOR ALL THE SLAG0SHAGGING.


Dear Harry,
When making red play-dough, how much red food colouring is too much red food colouring?
- Desperate for some action in Acton
P.S. I'm not wearing any underwear.




HEY IM NOT WEARING ANY UNDERWEAR EITHER LUV!!!!!!!!!!! LETS GET PISSED AND HAVE AN AWKWARD GROPEFEST UNDER THE MULBERRY BUSH BY THE PRIMARY SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM ACTUALLY CONSIDERING WEARING A KILT SO'S I CAN IMPREGNATE A QUEEN BUT IM NOT REALLY ATTRACTED TO GRAM.

P.S.- 85 mL


WELL THATS ALL FOR NOW PEASANTS!!!!!!!! ASK ME MOR QUESTIONS AND I WILL USE MY FABULOUS PRINCELY WISDOM TO SOLVE YOUR UGLY PROBLERMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



By the grace of God,
I am H.R.H. Prince Harry and I approve this message OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EPISODE II: HOW GRAND BE THE KNICKERS Nov. 17th, 2004 @ 08:29 pm
hrh_advice
HULLO LUVS!!!!!!!! SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS ALL TOOK BUT I'VE BEEN TERRIBLY BUSY WHACKING GROUSE WITH A POLO MALLET IN SHROPSHIRE. ACTUALLY I DO BELIEVE ITS SHROPSHIRE-ON-FWOMPINGHAM BUT REALLY WHOS COUNTING? NOT THE FRENCH FOR CERTAIN. HAHA.

ANYWAYS HERES THE NEXT BATCH OF ADVISES FOR THE PATHETIC COMMONERS SO ENJOY OR I'LL WHACK YOU HARD SEE IF I DON'T.


dear princ eharry,

everoyne wants me to get a livejournal, but i tihnk they're dumb. what should I tell my friends the next time they bitch at me about it?

--m




WELL LUV ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS THAT YOU TYPE LIKE A SLAG ON FIRE SO OFF WITH YOU NOW!!!!! SERIOUSLY LIVEJOURNALS ARE FOR SUPERIOR ROYALS LIKE MESELF AND WE DON'T NEED ANOTHER BLOODY HAMFINGERS MUCKING UP THE POND!!!!!

STUPID TWAT.


Your Royal Highness,

I recently moved to London and I want to marry your brother and have fabulous sex in all of the royal palaces. But, he's still in Scotland and I'm here and I'm horny.

What should I do? Are there actual men in London who aren't gay or suffering from extremely bad dental hygiene?

Yours,
The She-Wolf of London (vicky)



WELL CONGRATS LUV BUT I DON'T THINK YOULL HAVE MUCH OF A CHANCE WITH WILLIAM. HE'S A BIT OF A PONCE. THATS WHY HE WENT TO SCOTLAND BCUZ THATS WHERE WE PREFER TO KEEP OUR MORE PONCY ROYALS. YOU CAN SHAG ME ALL YOU LIKE UNLESS YOU ARE A FATTY IN WHICH CASE I SHALL MANFULLY SHAKE YOUR HAND AND BACK AWAY SO THAT YOU DON'T EAT ME ON THE SLY.

ALSO ALL THE MEN IN LONDON ARE BRAWNY AND MASCULINE. THATS WHY THEY WEAR SUCH TIGHT PANTS. HERE ARE A FEW WAYS YOU CAN SEDUCE LONDONERS:

1. Make a nasty joke about Parliamentary procedure.
2. Set fire to an effigy of Margaret Thatcher.
3. Sing a song about Chalk Farm Road.
4. Pretend you are the queen. It usually works for Gram; I saw her snogging the vicar last Midsummer's Eve. Only she's the real queen. It still might work.

THE SHAGGING OFFER STANDS THO.

PLZ SHAG ME.

IM SO LONELY.


Dear Harry,

Whenever I bludgeon homeless people to death, I somehow manage to get nasty bloodstains on my silk tunic. They are nearly impossible to get out! HELP!

yours respectfully,
Ludvik Jahn



GETTING PEASANT BLOOD OUT OF A TUNIC IS QUITE DIFFICULT AS THE COMMONERS DO NOT HAVE RICH AND SEXY BLUE BLOOD, BUT PURE RAGU OLD WORLD STYLE MARINARA SAUCE. YOU MIGHT TRY PLANTING IT ON AN ENEMY AND THEN CALLING THE CONSTABLE AND CLAIMING THAT THEY DID THE BLUDGEONING. OR YOU MIGHT TRY TONIC WATER. WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU!


Dear Harry,

Can we Snog? Now? Can your brother join in?

Love you,
Allison



BLOODY HELL YES! NOW THATS WHY I GOT INTO THIS CRAZY PSYCHIC BUSINESS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! A GOOD HOT SHAG! SINCE YOU'RE THE PEASANTY HOWEVER WE CAN'T SHAG IN THE ROYAL SHAGGERY, WE HAVE TO DO IT IN THE PHEASANT CAGE BEHIND DADDY'S WELSHMAN-BEATING RANGE. DONT WORRY I'LL BRING SOME SNACKS AND A HOT TOWEL.

OH AND WILLY'S A PONCE. THAT'S WHY I CANDIED HIS TROUSERS IF YOU GET MY MEANING.

WAIT THAT SOUNDED KIND OF--


dEaR hArRy!!!! (wot iz hrh? HarRy... wots ur last nam?)

i n33d some advice plznthnx so anser this!!!! i'm in a love triangle at my school! some ugly boi likes me but i dont like him (he smells like patchouli) BUTTTTT ilike this OTHER(!!) boi, but i think he's gay(!!!!OMFG whos gay???) and likez the first boi (the patchouli 1 who also has LOTTZ of spots or whatevah u limeys call ZITS!!!)
so my queston iz... HOW can i kill them both so thell never be happy 2gether?????

xXoO
aShLeY!!!!! ~~:P~~

ps (the 2nd 1 iz GAY!!!!!!!!!!!!)

u no it, EMILY! YAH MA BITTCIZZZZ!!!



I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THAT AT ALL BUT SINCE I AM COMMITTED TO ADVICERY I SHALL DO MY UTMOST TO UNDERSTAND IT.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL POOFS ARE ATTRACTED TO PATCHOULI SO YOU MUST STEAL HIS SCENT BOTTLE AND DUMP IT DOWN THE LOO. THEN FILL THE BOTTLE WITH BEES! HE WILL BE A SAD POOF INDEED AND THEN YOU CAN MOCK HIM IN FRONT OF THE FELLOW YOU FANCY. ALSO A SPOTTY POOF HAS THE ABILITY TO CAMOUFLAGE HIMSELF OR BE VERY CAREFUL WHEN SITTING IN CHAIRS. OR ANYTHING ELSE SITTABLE.

IT IS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY TO KILL IN ORDER TO GET YOUR WAY. USUALLY A MILD THREAT AND A FISTFUL OF CASH DOES MUCH THE SAME.

P.S.- MY NAME IS NOT EMILY. ANYMORE.


ANYWAYS LADS THAT THERE'S MY COLUMN SO COME ON OVER AND ASK ME MORE QUESTIONS!!!!!

I LOVE BACON!!!!!!!!!!

H.R.H. Prince Harry
Prince of whatever I bloody well wish to be prince of
Other entries
» HERES MY FIRST BITS OF ADVICE!
OKAY LADS HERE WE GO!!!!!! MY FIRST CUSTIOMERS! PLZ FEEL FREE TO COME BACK ANYTIME FOLKS I HAVE A LOT FO DVICE TO GIVE!

ALSO, YOU CAN ASK QUESTIONS FOR MY PSYCHIC HOTLINE AS WELL!!!!!!!


Dear Yuor Highness,

I have really big boobs. It's simply terrible. I kind of want reductive surgery, but my boyfriend would lose all faith in God. What do I do?! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Sincerely,
Anna



WELL I DON'T KNOW WHERE YUOR IS, BUT IF THAT'S YOU IN THE PICTURE THEN I BELIEVE WE SHOULD SNOG! YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR OWN HORSE THO. I CAN'T BE LENDING OUT MY HORSES FOR EVERY SLAG WTH NICE BOMBAS. IN ANY CASE, DITCH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND SHAG ME THIS WEDNESDAY EVENING ON THE POLO FIELD AT EATON. I WIL BE WEARING SEVERAL HATS.


Dear Harry,

A friend of mine recently started an LJ community giving advice from a certain member of the royal family. Anyhow, the idea is amusing but she's getting really annoying right now bugging me to post a question. What should I do?

-Svestovar Fung



THAT'S SIMPLY TERRIBLE! I KNEW A BLOKE ONCE WITH THE SVESTOVAR FUNGS AND HE BLOODY WELL DIDN'T GET TO SHAG ANYONE EXCEPT BERTHA FROM THE SHCOOL TUCKSHOP BUT SHE HAD A GLASS EYE AND A HUSBAND WHO COULD BE A BIT OF A WANKER. AND THEN HIS PRICK FELL BLODOY OFF THOUGH I'M SURE IT'S FOR THE BEST SINCE YOU SEEM A BIT OF A POOF ANYWAYS. POOF.


Dear Harry,

I heard that you smoke a lot of pot and mztrbte, and is that true? And also, what should I get my boyfriend for his birthday on Sunday?

Wacky in Milwaukee,
Abby



NO I DO NOT I HAVEN'T SMOKED POT SINCE THE TIME I BLOODY SMOKED IT IN WESTMINSTER AND GOT GOBSMACKED BY SOME BLOODY PENGUIN NUN. AS FOR MZTRBTE IVE NEVER SMOKED IT BUT SOME GIRL I FANCIED USED TO DO HEROIN. I DIDNT FANCY HER QUITE SO MUCH AFTER THAT BCUZ DRUGS R BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH EXCEPT REEFER, TAHT WAS BLOODY NICE EXCEPTING THE NUN BIT. ANYWAYS, YOUR BLOKE WILL PROBABLY APPRECIATE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. A good shagging
2. A good snogging
3. Treacle
4. A handmade diorama
5. Shamp00
6. A second round of shagging

YES AS MUMMY USED TO SAY "BE AN ACTIVIST ON TV, A DOORMAT TO AN OPPRESSIVE SOCIAL MONARCHY, AND A SLAG IN TEH KITCHEN" AND I'M SURE YOU'LL AGREE. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!


Dear Harry,

I'm a high school junior with a high GPA and many friends, yet I still wet my bed at night. What will happen when I choose to become sexually active?

Canonically Babbling in Peed-Onk,
LeBron



WELL LEBRON THIS IS A TOUGH ONE AS MOST FIND PISS TO BE OF AN UNPLEASANT CHARACTER. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES AS FAR AS I SEE IT:

1. Stop wetting the bed, or
2. Find some bloke or slag who enjoys taht sort of thing

I'M SURE NUMBER TWO WILL BE EASIER. AS FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE, SOMEONE WILL EITHER STICK SOMETHING IN YOUR HOLE RO YOU'LL DO THAT TO THEM. ALSO, YOU WILL BECOME MUCH BETTER-LOOKING AS YOU SHAG MORE AND MORE SO KEEP IT UP.

OKAY THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE THIS...TIME. KEEP ASKING FOR MY SUPERIOR ADVICE AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO GIVE IT AND GIVE IT TO THE LADIES AS WELL!

By the grace of God,
His Royal Highness, Prince Henry, Duke of York
» SIGN UP HERE LADS!
HELLO MATES THIS IS HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS PRINCE HARRY! WELCOME TO MY ADVICE COMLUMN AND PSYCHIC HOTLINE! I WILL USE MY POWERS OF PRINCE-NESS AND PSYCHIC-NESS TO LEAD THE PEOPLE AND PROVIDE YOU ALL WITH ADVICE!

PLZ LEAVE A COMMENT IF YOU WOULD LIEK TO BE ADVICED!!!!!!!!!!!

Rulz:

1. NO FATTIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! well some are ok but for goshers plz dont eatmy livejournal.

2. NO BITING


OK HAVE FUN LADS!
Top of Page Powered by LiveJournal.com