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XMAS UPDATE FOR THE PEASANTS!!!!!! - HRH PRINCE HARRY'S ADVICE COLUMN

About XMAS UPDATE FOR THE PEASANTS!!!!!!

Previous Entry XMAS UPDATE FOR THE PEASANTS!!!!!! Dec. 24th, 2004 @ 11:50 am Next Entry
WELL HELLO LADS! A VERY MERRY CHRIST TO YOU UNLESS YOU DON'T DO CHRISTMAS IN WHICH CASE A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS TO JEW. BWAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! DADS AND CAMILLA USED TO MAKE THAT JOKE ALL THE TIME AND WE'D LAUGH AND LAUGH UNTIL DADS HEARD MUMMY COMING DOWN THE STAIRS IN WHICH CASE HE WOULD HIDE CAMILLA IN THE DUMBWAITER "FOR EATING LATER." I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANT BY THAT.

ANYWAYS BEFORE WE GO ON WITH MY SUPERIOR ADVICE I DO BELIEVE I SHALL SHARE WITH YOU THE STORY OF MY FAVORITE CHRISTMAS!!! SO SHUT UP AND READ IT YOU BASTARDS.

I WAS A YOUNG LAD, AND WILLS WAS A SLIGHTLY LESS MASCULINE YOUNG LAD. WE HAD DECIDED TO WAIT UP ALL NIGHT TO SEE SANTA CLAUS. WHEN THE CLOCK STRUCK MIDNIGHT WE LEAPT FROM OUR BEDS AND RACED DOWN THE HALL AND UP THE STAIRS AND OVER THE WALKWAY AND DOWN SOME MORE STAIRS AND THROUGH ANOTHER DOOR AND DOWN FIVE MORE HALLS AND EIGHT MORE BLOODY SETS OF STAIRS AND THEN WE HAD TO SIT DOWN AND REST BECAUSE DAMNED IF WE HADN'T BEEN LOOKING FOR AN HOUR AND A HALF. WILLS STARTED CRYING BECAUSE HE HAD AN INVISIBLE FRIEND NAMED MISTER TIMKY-JUMBITS AND MISTER TINKY-JUMBITS WAS COLD AND HIS ANKLE HURT.

SO I PRETENDED TO BEAT UP MISTER TINKY-JUMBITS AND WILLS CRIED LIKE A GIRL.

THEN WE FOUND THE TREE AND IT WAS LOADED WITH LOOT BUT NO SANTA. EVERY SO OFTEN WILLS CALLS ME AND YELLS "YOU KILLED SANTA BECAUSE YOU BEAT UP MISTER TINKY-JUMBITS" AND WE LAUGH. EXCEPT NOT WILLS. WILLS CRIES.


OKAY LET'S GET ON WITH THE ADVICE!!!!! EXCEPT NO PICTURES THIS TIME. DEAL WITH IT.


Dear Harry,
I'm an anarchist/communist/Nazi who practices with the Hare Krishna. My friends don't understand me, and are constantly making sly, snarky comments like "Why don't you SHARE your cookies, commie!" or "Come see a movie, if you can spare a minute from killing the Jews!" or "Quit with the tamborine racket!", you know, subtle stuff. It's really unfair, especially since Hitler, Stalin, and Moritz taught us to love one another unconditionally.
I guess my question is, should I tell them I'm carrying the New Democratic Party's love child or would that just make things worse?
Thanks,
LaSeanDa



WELLL LASEANDA I CAN SEE WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS HERE AND THAT IS YOU TEND TO USE PROPER CAPITALIZATION. DON'T DO THAT. ITS THE EASIEST WAY TO GET PREGGERS! YOU SHOULD JUST WRITE IN GLORIOUS ALL-CAPS LIKE MESELF BECAUSE I AM SO GREAT IT HURTS. THATS WHAT I MAKE ALL MY SLAGS DO AFTER A GOOD SHAG SO THEY WON'T GET IN A FIX.

ALSO IT IS QUITE HARD TO BE A NAZI THESE DAYS SO MAYBE I SHOULD COMMEND YOU EVEN THOUGH THAT'S WRONG.

P.S.- DROP THE FUCKING TAMBOURINE.


Cher Harry,
Mon amour pour vous est si fort qu'il puisse seulement être donné en français, la langue de l'amour. Par cet altavista traduisant le service. Je veux au va te faire foutre, prince Harry. Et alors je veux manger votre foie. Mais pas vraiment. Veuillez venir à ma maison la nuit, parce que à moi vous montrerez ce qu'est vraiment la virilité. Couteaux.
Amour,
Oleg Menschikov


OMG OMG OMG THE FRENCH ARE ATTACKING OMG!!!!!!!! THEY FOUND OUT ABOUT MY SECRET PLAN TO RECAPTURE CALAIS!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMM!!!!!!

hey thats not even a question--

DAMN YOU FRENCHIE BASTARDS! YOU'LL NEVER GET MY SECRET STORE OF PERFUME AND LADIES' FRILLY UNDERTHINGS! UNLIKE YOU I SHAN'T BE WEARING THEM JUST SNIFFING THEM A BIT!!!!

BASTARDS!!!!!

P.S.- I HATE THE BLOODY FRENCH
P.P.S.- A LOT
P.P.P.S.- WHY ISN'T IT P.S.S.S.?!


Dear Harry
I heard some rumours the other day that the idomitable spirit of the proletarian masses will cause them to rise up and drench the streets with the blood of the capitalist pig-dogs and the aristocratic parasites, while sending their bourgeois lackeys to be re-educated in giant camps on the Isle of Man.
What do you think of these rumours? Is there any truth to them? If so, what would be the best outfit to wear for such an event?
With comradely greetings
Phil


I THINK THATS A LOAD OF SLAGBERRY AND IF YOU THINK THAT COULD HAPPEN LOOK AT HOW SUCCESSFUL THAT WANKER CROMWELL WAS AT MAINTAINING A STABLE REPUBLIC. END SARCASM.

ALSO I GOT LAID ONCE ON THE ISLE OF MAN EXCEPT I THINK IT MIGHT BE GAY TO DO THAT. I WOULD RATHER GET LAID OF THE ISLE OF WOMEN BECAUSE THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE MOST FUN EVER!!!!!!!!!!! AN ISLE OF WOMEN! BLOODY YES MATES!!!!!

PLEASE WEAR A MONKEY SUIT AND SHOVE A BANANA UP YOUR ARSE IF YOU THINK THE MONARCHY COULD EVER BE BROUGHT DOWN BY A BUNCH OF TOOTHLESS WHINING CELTS WITH TERRIBLE DENTAL HYGIENE AND BAD TEETH AND ALSO LOTS OF POOFINESS.

OTHERWISE A NICE SUIT WITH DARK SOCKS WOULD LOOK OKAY. BUT NO TIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I TIHNK I BLOODY WELL FORGOT WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.


I cant think of anything to ask! But this is very funny! You are naughty!
So my question to you is, what should I ask you?
Holly (Hoshi) ^_^


I THINK YOU SHOULD ASK TWO THINGS. THE FIRST IS "WHERE CAN I GET HELP FOR MY OBVIOUS MENTAL ISSUES?" THE SECOND QUESTION IS "WHICH HOLE WOULD YOU LIKE TO STICK IT IN FIRST, PRINCE STUDLYPANTS?"


I have thought of a question. Actually many questions!
I can't understand all of what you are saying for advice.
What are the meanings of these words you used? Are they all British? I've never seen any of them that I can remember.
PONCY, RAGU, MARINARA SAUCE, BLUDGEONING, PONCE, CANDIED HIS TROUSERS, PATCHOULI, WANKER, GOBSMACKED, MZTRBTE, Treacle, diorama.
Thank you Harry!


AT FIRST I WAS GOING LAUGH AT YOU LOVE BUT THEN I SAW THAT ENGLISH IS NOT YOUR FIRST LANGUAGE. NO MATTER HOW HARD WE TRIED WE COULDN'T TAKE OVER EVERYTHING.

RAGU AND MARINARA SAUCE ARE TOMATO SAUCES YOU PUT ON PASTA. BLUDGEONING IS WHEN YOU GIVE SOMEONE A NICE FIRM WHACK! HAHAHAHA!! LIKE THE PAPARAZZI!! PONCE AND PONCY BOTH REFER TO SOMEONE WHO IS A LITTLE BIT GAY LIKE MY BROTHER. PATCHOULI IS A VERY SMELLY PERFUME LOVED BY HIPPIES AND PONCES ALIKE. "CANDIED HIS TROUSERS" IS JUST A DIRTY PHRASE DADS LIKES TO USE WHEN HES FISHING WITH HIS BUDDIES. A WANKER IS A JERK...ALSO LIKE MY BROTHER HAHAHAHAHAHA! GABSMACKED IS WHEN YOU'RE STUNNED. TREACLE IS A NASTY THING YOU HAVE AT TEA AND DIORAMA IS A LITTLE SCENE MADE UP IN A BOX.

I STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MZTRBTE MEANS.

ANYWAYS YOUR ENGLISH IS VERY GOOD SO COME OVER TO THE PALACE SOMETIMES AND I SHALL SHOW YOU THE POWER OF TREACLE!!!!!!!


RIGHT LADS I'M OFF. HAPPY WHATEVER.

Here comes Santa Clas,
H.R.H. Prince Studlypants
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[User Picture Icon]
From:lucyjupiter
Date:January 17th, 2005 12:01 am (UTC)
(Link)
Dear Harry,

What's the deal with that Nazi thing? And what should I do with my boyfriend for Valentine's Day? And why are you so devestatingly handsome?

Lovingly,
Shifty in Michigan
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