?

Log in

 

WHOA HOLY ARSE WTF OMG - HRH PRINCE HARRY'S ADVICE COLUMN

About WHOA HOLY ARSE WTF OMG

Previous Entry WHOA HOLY ARSE WTF OMG Mar. 17th, 2005 @ 06:53 am Next Entry
WELL HELLO BIRDS AND SLAGS AND THOS OF YOU WHO DON'T QUALIFY!!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE ALL MISSED ME BECAUSE I AM BACK LIKE A VERTEBRAE! SO SHAG OFF!

NEWAYZ SORRY I WAS OUT OF TOUCH BUT I WAS IN SENSITIVITY TRAINING BCUZ OF SOME SILLY COSTUME PARTY INCIDENT. I SHAN'T GO INTO DETAILS BUT LET'S JUST SAY I MADE THAT PARTY LIKE A GAS OVEN...I MEAN I SIEGHEILED IT...I MEAN I DRESSED UP LIKE HITLER BECAUSE I'M AN INSENSITIVE PRICK-- OH HELL JUST FORGET IT. NOTHING ACTUALLY HAPPENED AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH GENOCIDE NO MATTER WHAT WILLS TELLS YOU JUST REMEMBER HE SLEEPS WITH A TEDDY BEAR AND NOT IN THE ENDEARING "BRIDESHEAD REVISITED" KIND OF WYA IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN WANKER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


ALL RIGHT LET'S JUMP RIGHT IN SHALL WE. I HAVE TO


I cant think of anything to ask! But this is very funny! You are naughty!
So my question to you is, what should I ask you?

Holly (Hoshi) ^_^



I THINK YOU OUGHT TO ASK ME WHAT I'M WEARING AND THEN LOOK AWAY YOU CAN'T SEE ME PUT GHB IN YOUR DRINK.

JUST MY OPINION.


Dear Harry,

My attempts at organizing a Civil War-themed modern dance production invariably end in heartbreak. Also, I have the clap. What should I do?

- Ted Hunter, Cane, NH



I THINK YOU OUGHT TO DO AS THE OLD FOLK SONG SAYS: "IF I WERE A RICH GIRL, NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA NA." I ALWAYS TURN TO THAT WHIMSICAL OLD TUNE FOR INSPIRATION IN TIMES OF NEED. LIKE THAT TIME THAT DADS AND CAM WERE GOING TO GET MARRIED BUT THE ENTIRE BRITISH NATION WAS INFURIATED AT HIS LACK OF NATIONAL RESPECT AND GOOD TASTE.

OOPS SHITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALSO THE CLAP CNA BE ATTRACTIVE TO THE RIGHT SORT. I AM UNFORTUNATELY NOT THAT SORT SO PLEASE FAG OFF YOU DISEASED PONCE.


Thank you for anwering all my questions! It is fun reading your replies to people! ^_^
I had Ragu and Marinara Sauce on pasta, but I only knew it as "spagettea sauce" and I think it tasted very bad. :-P Too thick and salty. Some of the food in America is strange. Is it better in England? I hear bad things about your food!
So what is your favorite American food?
And do you know how to fix a cd play, or how to make a dog named La-la to do tricks?

PS
Thank you for saying my English is very good! I studied hard to learn it!



ENGLISH FOOD IS MOST EXCELLENT. WE EAT THINGS SUCH AS "TOAD IN THE HOLE" AND "SPOTTED DICK" AND "COCK-A-LEEKY SOUP." HERE IS THE SECRET: IT IS ALL TREACLE. AS FOR TREACLE, NO ONE KNOW WHAT THE ARSE THAT IS.

I LIKE HOT DOGS. I ALSO LIKE PINK TACO IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN THOUGH I FEEL ASHAMED NOW.

TO FIX A CD PLAYER, THROW IT OUT THE PALACE WINDOW TO THE FILTHY COMMONERS BELOW. THEY WILL SCRAMBLE TO PICK UP WHAT YOU CONSIDER RUBBISH AND TAKE IT BACK TO THEIR PEASANT HOMES AS A HOLY RELIC. THEN YOU CAN LAUGH AT THEM AND ORDER SOMEONE TO BUY YOU ANOTHER.

DOGS NAMED LA-LA CANNOT DO TRICKS. IT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE WELSH DOGS.

PS- YOU'RE WELCOME!


Dear Harry,

My friend and I were wondering: when rubbing the rotting carcass of a dead bird across your genitalia, is it best to disinfect the area before or after use of the carcass? Or perhaps both?

Additionally, give up the lie and go back to Ireland. WE KNOW THE TRUTH, GIDEON.

Bye!
Love from,
Caitlyn & Kelly



DEAR SLAGS,

IT DOESN'T MATTER SO LONG AS ONE RUBS IT IN A CLOCKWISE FASHION.

ASS-ITIONALLY, I'M NOT ANY SORT OF A BLOODY IRISHER SO YOU JUST SLAG OFF OR I'LL SEND A POTATO BLIGHT DOWN UPON YOU SO HARD YOUR ANCESTORS WILL GROW BLACK SPOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAYBE FROM THE CLAP THAT OTHER BLOKE HAS. I DON'T RIGHTLY KNOW.


Dear Harry

I was out on the lash recently, and some arsehole was giving me grief. I'd had a few beers by that stage, so I had to sort the tosser out and give him a few slaps. Sadly now, it looks like the police take a dim view of it and they might be giving me a criminal caution. I don't want to get a caution as it might bugger up my chances of getting into the Army. Any suggestions on how I can get out of it?

Yours

Barry



YES BARRY HERE IS WHAT YOU DO: BE SUCH A PONCE THAT YOU GET SENT TO SCOTLAND AND GET OUT OF JOINING THE NAVY. IT WORKED FOR MY BROTHER!


Dear Harry,

First off, I'm not attracted to you in any way, shape or form. No, I'm not a lesbian, I'm just not into the pre-pubescent limey type. Sorry.

My question is this: How can I hook up with your very manly and summertoothy father? I wouldn't mind being the next Queen of England.

-Delirious in Delaware

P.S. I'll help you dispose of Camilla.



FIRST OFF YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY A ROBO-SLAG if you're not intereste din my sweet man meats EXCEPT NOT THE SORT THAT FIGHTS CRIME IN TIGHT SEXY BOOTS. SECOND OF ALL DADS IS SUMMERING IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE SHOOTING TURKEYS WITH SPITBALLS AND BESIDES YOU DON'T SEEM TO BE THE ABSORBANT COTTON KIND TO ME EITHER. IN FACT I BET YOU ARE AN ALL-AROUND UNSATISFACTORY SHAG SO BE OFF WITH YOU OR I SHALL BRING THE CURSE OF CROMWELL DOWN UPON YOU!

OH FUCK I MAY BE IRISH AFTER ALL~!

P.S.- SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG! SLAGGY SLAGGY!


Harry, where is my shoe?
I lost it on New Years while staying at my friend's house.
It is black satin with red flower pattern.
It's the left one.
The last I noticed it was early moring (between 1 and 2am?) when I put it on just before we ran out into the garden to set off some more fireworks.
Any ideas?



YES I TOOK IT SOMETIMES I CAN'T BLOODY HELP MYSELF I JUST GET SO LONELY SITTING HERE IN THE DARK, WAXING MY FOREHEAD AND WATCHING BBC7'S COMPETITIVE WHIST MARATHON. JESUS CHRIST IS THIS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT? I DON'T WANT IT...I WANT TO END THIS EMPTY, HOLLOW-- OOOH, TEA BISCUITS! RIGHTO!


Harry, You Fucking Wank!

Bravo, you cock-sucking ponce! You really did a number with your little S.S.-Rommell-I'm-the-Nazi-Desert-Fox costume! Idiot boy.

Your father is pissed to high heaven, and I don't mean on my gin and tonics! You don't want to know what I had to do just to get him to calm down and think about something else!

Now listen you me, you little Spencer bastard: you're going to shape up and ship yourself out to Sandhurst Military Academy, or I'm going to open a can of whoop-ass on you from which you'll never recover! Remember, fox-hunting has been banned and I've got a kennell full of mangy bitches who are looking for some fresh prey. You think you're a Nazi Desert Fox? You better try to run out my Churchillian British hounds.

I know your mother was as thick as a plank, but try to do a little better than her, all right? No more Nazi costumes. No more punching out photographers outside nightclubs after all the birds have gone off with your less-famous wanky friends. No more cheating on exams and having your teachers fired. Start acting with a little bit of decorum or, Hand to God, I'll shove a diamond sceptre so far up your rectum you'll be sneezing engagement rings for a week!

With ever so much love,
Your would-be step-mommy,
Camilla



SHUT UP CAMS I'M ENJOYING THESE TEA BISCUITS AND BESIDES MY MUMMY MAKES A BETTER TWAT-STOP THAN YOU ANY DAY SO WHY DON'T YOU GO OFF AND NOT HAVE A ROYALLY-SANCTIONED WEDDING YOU DAFT BINT HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.

BESIDES, IT BLOODY LOOKED WELL ON ME AND I TOTALLY GOT SOME SO HA! DOUBLE HA!


Dear Harry,

It is heartening to see a prominent figure who is unashamed of his White Nationalist beliefs. On behalf of my untainted brethren, I would like to extend my warmest regards to you. We're going to have a barbecue and cross burning on February 24 at 8PM in Sabra Jean Ella May's backyard, right at the intersection of Strom Thurmond Ave. and Lynchwood Ave. I know it's a bit of a trek, but we'd love it if you could come say a few words.

RSVP,

Pastor Thomas Robb



SORRY I CAN'T BURN A CROSS. THE ANGLICANS HAVEN'T FIGURED OUT HOW TO RIP OFF THAT CATHOLIC RITUAL YET.


Dear Harry,

I'm suffering a grevious injury! A frat boy threw a snow ball at my butt so hard that it left a mark and hurts to sit.
I dont want justice but I do want revenge. But I'm not sure what to do to him.
Jin has suggested Chinese water torture or a Bataan style death march. That seems too extream. And I'd miss classes. Any better ideas?

Horyo....I mean Hoshi! ^_--

PS I hope you are ok after being in so much trouble!



IF NOT A BATAN DEATH MARCH, WHY DON'T YOU DEFEAT HIM IN A BATON-TWIRLING COMPETITION? I HEAR THAT MUCH OF THE MIDWESTERN US RELIES ON BATON-TWIRLING TO MAINTAIN ITS DELICATE SOCIAL BALANCE. IF NOT, YOU COULD ALWAYS POUR CORN SYRUP UNDER HIS BEDROOM DOOR. IT'S BLOODY GREAT.



shining_water
2005-01-23 08:49 (link) Select
Dear Harry,

I don't have any questions, just wanted to show you the painting I did of you!
http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?ias3z7befrs
Enjoy.

Cheers,
-Ana

P.s.: Your brother is goodlooking, dude.



THANX LUV THAT SHITE IS HAWTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Mr. Harry I mean Prince Harry,

I think your hott. Well, that's not my question. My question is why did you friggin dress up like a nazi for the party? And! (I can't belive i'm using and as the begining of my sentence, later I will smack myself for using improper english) dude your friggn hott!

Love,

Jade

Oh yes and I must add:

http://artpad.art.com/gallery/?iasajwotogc



WHOOHOO TODAY MUST BE MY LUCKY DAY! THE ONLY QUESTION REMAINING IS, WHEN ARE YOU DAFT BIRDS GOING TO COME OVER HERE AND SUCK ON MY WILLY? FOR CHRISSAKE I'VE BEEN ANSWERING QUESTIONS FOR A BLOODY HOUR!


RIGHT WELL I THINK WE'LL LEAVE OFF THERE AND SAVE THE REMAINING QUESTIONS FOR NEXT TIME. I'VE AN IMPORTANT PEDICURE TO ATTEND. BEFORE I GO, HOWEVER, I JUST WANT TO SAY I AM THE SMARTEST BESTEST MAN ALIVE.
Leave a comment
[User Picture Icon]
From:shining_water
Date:March 17th, 2005 01:37 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I know it's hot!

Remember when I said that your brother was hot? Forget it.

You're much better!

I can suck your willy if you want. I wouldn't mind.
[User Picture Icon]
From:xdorkness17x
Date:March 31st, 2005 07:16 am (UTC)
(Link)
I'd have to agree with Ana on that one, Harry.

And when I come to England, I will be sure to drop by and visit you and there can be much willy-sucking.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:April 3rd, 2005 10:02 am (UTC)

From M-Life

(Link)
Tina ur such a weirdo.. lol
[User Picture Icon]
From:chochanggurl
Date:May 14th, 2005 04:48 pm (UTC)

Re: From M-Life

(Link)
.....No willy sucking for you mister.
(Leave a comment)
Top of Page Powered by LiveJournal.com