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HERES MY FIRST BITS OF ADVICE! - HRH PRINCE HARRY'S ADVICE COLUMN

About HERES MY FIRST BITS OF ADVICE!

Previous Entry HERES MY FIRST BITS OF ADVICE! Oct. 28th, 2004 @ 02:18 am Next Entry
OKAY LADS HERE WE GO!!!!!! MY FIRST CUSTIOMERS! PLZ FEEL FREE TO COME BACK ANYTIME FOLKS I HAVE A LOT FO DVICE TO GIVE!

ALSO, YOU CAN ASK QUESTIONS FOR MY PSYCHIC HOTLINE AS WELL!!!!!!!


Dear Yuor Highness,

I have really big boobs. It's simply terrible. I kind of want reductive surgery, but my boyfriend would lose all faith in God. What do I do?! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

Sincerely,
Anna



WELL I DON'T KNOW WHERE YUOR IS, BUT IF THAT'S YOU IN THE PICTURE THEN I BELIEVE WE SHOULD SNOG! YOU HAVE TO BRING YOUR OWN HORSE THO. I CAN'T BE LENDING OUT MY HORSES FOR EVERY SLAG WTH NICE BOMBAS. IN ANY CASE, DITCH YOUR BOYFRIEND AND SHAG ME THIS WEDNESDAY EVENING ON THE POLO FIELD AT EATON. I WIL BE WEARING SEVERAL HATS.


Dear Harry,

A friend of mine recently started an LJ community giving advice from a certain member of the royal family. Anyhow, the idea is amusing but she's getting really annoying right now bugging me to post a question. What should I do?

-Svestovar Fung



THAT'S SIMPLY TERRIBLE! I KNEW A BLOKE ONCE WITH THE SVESTOVAR FUNGS AND HE BLOODY WELL DIDN'T GET TO SHAG ANYONE EXCEPT BERTHA FROM THE SHCOOL TUCKSHOP BUT SHE HAD A GLASS EYE AND A HUSBAND WHO COULD BE A BIT OF A WANKER. AND THEN HIS PRICK FELL BLODOY OFF THOUGH I'M SURE IT'S FOR THE BEST SINCE YOU SEEM A BIT OF A POOF ANYWAYS. POOF.


Dear Harry,

I heard that you smoke a lot of pot and mztrbte, and is that true? And also, what should I get my boyfriend for his birthday on Sunday?

Wacky in Milwaukee,
Abby



NO I DO NOT I HAVEN'T SMOKED POT SINCE THE TIME I BLOODY SMOKED IT IN WESTMINSTER AND GOT GOBSMACKED BY SOME BLOODY PENGUIN NUN. AS FOR MZTRBTE IVE NEVER SMOKED IT BUT SOME GIRL I FANCIED USED TO DO HEROIN. I DIDNT FANCY HER QUITE SO MUCH AFTER THAT BCUZ DRUGS R BAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH EXCEPT REEFER, TAHT WAS BLOODY NICE EXCEPTING THE NUN BIT. ANYWAYS, YOUR BLOKE WILL PROBABLY APPRECIATE ONE OF THE FOLLOWING:

1. A good shagging
2. A good snogging
3. Treacle
4. A handmade diorama
5. Shamp00
6. A second round of shagging

YES AS MUMMY USED TO SAY "BE AN ACTIVIST ON TV, A DOORMAT TO AN OPPRESSIVE SOCIAL MONARCHY, AND A SLAG IN TEH KITCHEN" AND I'M SURE YOU'LL AGREE. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!


Dear Harry,

I'm a high school junior with a high GPA and many friends, yet I still wet my bed at night. What will happen when I choose to become sexually active?

Canonically Babbling in Peed-Onk,
LeBron



WELL LEBRON THIS IS A TOUGH ONE AS MOST FIND PISS TO BE OF AN UNPLEASANT CHARACTER. YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES AS FAR AS I SEE IT:

1. Stop wetting the bed, or
2. Find some bloke or slag who enjoys taht sort of thing

I'M SURE NUMBER TWO WILL BE EASIER. AS FOR WHAT WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU BECOME SEXUALLY ACTIVE, SOMEONE WILL EITHER STICK SOMETHING IN YOUR HOLE RO YOU'LL DO THAT TO THEM. ALSO, YOU WILL BECOME MUCH BETTER-LOOKING AS YOU SHAG MORE AND MORE SO KEEP IT UP.

OKAY THAT IS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE THIS...TIME. KEEP ASKING FOR MY SUPERIOR ADVICE AND I SHALL CONTINUE TO GIVE IT AND GIVE IT TO THE LADIES AS WELL!

By the grace of God,
His Royal Highness, Prince Henry, Duke of York
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